Monday, January 24, 2005
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I sometimes wonder wat is the actual meaning of life?
Just after work on Sunday...I begin to wonder off into my deep thoughts, thinking abt my life again... I duno if I'm considered a lucky ass or wat...or am I jus leading a pathetic life now...Haiz... I feel happier in my new sch...as I'm more carefree...but I still feel tat I'm so fake...or perhaps its the environment I'm in tat made me this way...
Have been really busy with my own life nowadays...I realise I'm not used to wat I am...people ard me may realise that too...I hope its for the better....
I found that I'm becoming more active in life...its good but somehow I seem to neglect the ppl ard me... cos I only cared for myself... but if I dun care for myself... hu will...
So many things are happening ard me n to my frens...I'm in a way helpless to solve my own problems...so not to mention theirs...no matter wat...jus hope tat everything's gonna be fine at the end of the day...
Had a "dispute" with one of my close fren tat day...criticised her for not wanting to go out and celebrate my birthday cos all she think is work n earn money...frens are not wat she'll think abt at the end of her plan...her life's jus plain pathetic...tats wat I say~
She retorted in this way:
Yes I'm leading a pathetic life...but urs aint the same? At least I'm earning money...
Ok...since money is wat she cared abt...I've nothing to say...And yes, she need the money for her future I understand...but one day to be spared going out aint killing her...
And so...I chose not to reply her sms cos I dun wana feel more raged....
Well, tats why I shud hate myself for joining so many stuff...n making myself so busy for wat....I'm sad I cant give much to my frens...so at least meeting them once in a blue moon can make me less guilty...However, my wish is not granted till now....
Everyone's busy...busy with their own pathetic lives...And so...I've got to depend on myself...greatly...And yes, I'm not born with a golden spoon...I need to strive hard for everything....and I cant afford to fail in my life....cos I've had a taste of it....it SUCKS....
And sometimes...I really wonder...Why I still have to mix with a bunch of kids...when I'm already 19....?!!! Not 16 I noe...kinda sad...its all cos of the failure...my fault....I feel differentiated from the rest...I duno if its good or bad....Haiz.
I duno...but somehow...there's so many diff kinds of ppl in my sch...so I need not worry abt my status in here...However, in front of my family n frens...I will...I can feel it though they nv say much....yes I'm feeling pathetic n pessimistic now...And I Dun think I even noe wat I'm blabbering abt...tats my way of venting my frustrations...ARH~
Hope everything's fine for me after tmr....
Just Xuan blabbering @
Monday, January 24, 2005
